Monday, March 21, 2011

Tan Envy

Today's Question: Why does tanning have so many negatives, yet I still regard it as a positive?

We all know that sun light (artificial or natural) is harmful to our skin, yet we live in a society that worships the tan and shuns the pasty.

For good reason! Tan people look slimmer and smoother. It is harder to spot blemishes and cellulite. And I am pretty sure tan people are happier and live more fulfilling lives (as long as they stay clear of that slight nuisance--cancer). This is not scientifically proven... Yet... But I am sure some scientist, somewhere is all over that study.

There are tanning salons all over this tiny town and they all scream my name! I want to tan SO bad, but I can't pick up another unhealthy lifestyle choice. (Diet Coke is already a cancer carrier and drains my wallet daily.)

This wasn't always the case, though!

Once upon a time I did a spray tan my sophomore year for prom and came out the spitting image of an oompa loompa. Orange, streaky and splotchy. I was utterly embarrassed and swore off all artificial tanning. (I do hear that spray tans have come a long way from 2005, but I still don't trust them.)

Then my senior year I started a "base tan" for prom. My BFF convinced me tanning this one time for 2 weeks would not hurt me and would be well worth it for the pictures. I agreed and the first time I went in a tanning bed, (on the suggestion of the tanning lady and by BFF), I went in a level 2 bed for 10 minutes...

You can only imagine the horrible life choice that turned out to be...

I was a lobster. I couldn't move. Couldn't wear anything but loose fitting shirts and pajama pants and I actually missed a day of school because I was so miserable. It was such a scarring experience that I swore off tanning beds for life.

Fast forward to two summers ago.... I lost 50 pounds and LOVED WEARING SHORTS!!!!!! (Normally I wore jeans in the Oklahoma heat because shorts weren't all that flattering) I also began to wear dresses and skirts and all of those wonderful summer outfits that.... Well... SHOW OFF MY PASTY (but skinny) LEGS!!!!

In an attempt to reverse the pastiness, I invested in Jergins tanning lotion. No sun required and it was controlled. My mom swore by the product.. And for the first few weeks it was great. I was darker and looking sexier in all my outfits! I loved it, and the extra bonus-- there was no cancer risk!

Then, one evening, I was at a friend's house hanging out when someone pointed at my legs and said, "What happened?"

We were outside and the natural sunlight was exposing my fake tan... I looked like I had smeared red clay up and down my legs. Crap. Apparently the every day application was not working anymore and I was mortified. I said, "Oh, I don't know! Weird...."

Later that night I consulted with some of my tanner sorority sisters to see what their secret was.... Two words. Tanning Beds. DANG IT! I don't want to burn alive again! But they said if I started with smaller times and in a lower bed, I could avoid the burning... At this point I didn't give 2 marbles about cancer and wanted the golden tan more than ever!

The next day I signed up for a month of unlimited tanning and told my mom it was for recruitment. (She could still vividly recall all the details of my senior year boil experience and wasn't convinced I could handle tanning beds again.) Against Doli's wishes and advice, I started out tanning in a Level one bed for 7 minutes with my new tanning lotion.

After a week I moved up to Level 2 and did 9 minutes... The longer the time, the better the nap I was able to take in the warm tanning beds. It was addicting! Not only did I smell like the beach, get a nap in, and come out browner, but I actually felt PRETTIER! Absolutely nuts!

As recruitment approached, I knew that my tanning journey would end. I couldn't justify the expense, the time, or the risk of tanning beyond the argument, "Tan people are prettier and live happier lives!" After recruitment, I stopped tanning and didn't do any artificial tanning the next year. I endured the pasty, pale life.

Now, as another summer creeps closer, I am trying on shorts and bathing suites again... As I stare in the mirror, all I can think about is being tan again. My mom is still pushing the "tan in a can" method, but I am not willing to have the leprosy look from 2 years ago.... And tanning beds are not an option. Oh and I get easily bored with the old fashioned method of "laying out."

So I think I am going to hold out for tans to become uncool again. Remember the good old days when pasty was in and tan was out?? Let's go back to that...

We can call the movement, "Going Pale."

Anyone with me?

Monday, March 14, 2011

#SB11

Instead of doing a sweet vaca to Las Vegas with my pledge class sisters or hopping in a car bound for Destin with SLB and HMC, I was recruited to come to Dallas. More specifically, Grapevine, Texas.

Unfortunately, even though I asked off, my place of work didn’t fulfill my request for a normal sorority girl’s Spring Break plans... Never fear though! I wasn’t stuck in Stillwater for an entire week... No way, my mom found an alternative adventure.

The Great Wolf Lodge.

With my sister. My Aunt. My Cousin. And my cousin’s two daughters.

Talk about a Family Vacation... Don’t worry though. Doli knows how to do any place Spring Break style.

First of all... There is an Undercover Boss that features The Great Wolf Lodge resorts which is somewhat interesting. Check it out if you want a little background.

Here is the gist.

Take an inside water park with an outside water park option. Add an arcade, an ice cream spa, a build a bear station, a wizard scavenger hunt, a craft area, a live story telling extravaganza, and... Oh yeah... About 10 bars, and you have my Spring Break destination.

Secret to Survival: Those 10 bars. They are there to keep the adults sane because let me tell you.... EVERYONE came to Wolf Lodge for Spring Break toting just over 1 million children!

This place is packed and the sea of kids is a testament to this grim tale.

Shopping this afternoon was the bright light of my day. I actually BOUGHT STUFF! Opposed to last August when I only came out of a Dallas shopping trip with eye liner.... No worries, I learned my lesson.

We kicked off the day with my sister and mom bickering with each other over my mom’s outfit! My sister said, “You don’t have to dress like a drag queen to feel 20!” I thought for sure my mom was going to stab Mackenzie, but on the contrary, she laughed and moved on. Apparently nothing phases Doli on a #SB trip!

Switching gears... My favorite part about this Spring Break--My SENIOR Spring Break--is reading the Tweets of my fellow Spring Breakers. From Destin to Breckenridge and Stillwater to Kansas, everyone seems to be having quite a different experience.

Mine is a more family oriented experience including enough interaction with children to ensure a lifetime worth of birth control. But this is not anyone else's Spring Break story... A lot of the Tweets boast some impressive pictures of the ocean. While I am jealous, I will thank my lucky stars that I at least have a pool and nice weather to enjoy for a day....


And listen. I will not be taking kids under the age of 5 to any kind of water park. Besides the thought of getting lost, I would be worried about the D word. Drowning. That is the only word that runs through my mind when entering the crowded indoor park. Not fun. Not memories. No. Drowning is the appropriate word.

While taking a dip in the 84 degree indoor water park, I encountered our first minor emergency. I was hanging out in the wave pool, minding my own business when all of a sudden there are whistle blows from life guards. Not intense like, oh let’s say, "A drowning victim is in the wave pool"... But there was enough of a problem that we had to evacuate the dang wave pool. It was closed for the rest of the day. My guess was that some kid reopened a scab and it started bleeding in the pool. Hepatitis, AIDS, and Lord knows what else was thrown into the pool with some kid's flesh wound being open, thus, they evacuated and began extensive cleansing treatments.

Aside from evacuation of the wave pool, I managed to get into a slide line and float the lazy river... Or shall we say the lazy stream.

So far my Spring Break has been fun, but I doubt it is anything to Tweet about on a regular basis... I will still try though!

Honestly, I don't care about writing my own Tweets.... I really just can’t wait to check my Tweets starting tomorrow morning with news from Vegas.

Because right now, I am praying for:

A. Japan

and

B. MLZ in Vegas

Good Luck Ladies!