Getting My Grandma On

Right now I am in a pickle…. I am trying to find myself. It’s not what you think though. I am not in a mid-life crisis, nor am I going through my pre-teens where I can’t figure out if I like Edward or Jacob more. My crisis centers around orthopedic shoes, false teeth, and rolly walkers. What is my Grandma personality!? Irene is an empty shell right now. She has so much potential, but I just don’t know what to do.

The REAL dilemma is that my co-grandma’s are UH-mazing! Like today I was wondering if they might actually be kindred 89 year-old souls trapped in a hot sorority body. They have funny voices and funny grandma stories/phrases… Where do you even learn stuff like that!? My grandma’s bios are as follows: dead and REAL rude. Not much inspiration.

So in an effort to find my inner grandma, I am googling, yahooing, ask jeeving, and youtubing everything old, grandma, and decrepit. To be honest, there isn’t a WHOLE lot of usable material. It is like the Wiki leaks… Lots of stuff pulls up, but you have to do a whole lot of sifting and deciphering to figure out what really is going on… Some of the videos have kind of been sad. Others terrify me because I never want to get so old that a nursing home attendant is SCREAMING in my ear so we can converse.

Some ideas I have been entertaining…

Irene the Alzheimer’s patient. A mix between Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates and Dory from Finding Nemo. AKA I wouldn’t be sad, but more funny and cute. You know… Like the old couple at Braums where the old husband is ordering her favorite flavor of ice cream because she couldn’t remember…

Irene the Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls. Kind of raunchy and suggestive. She is fun and knows how to keep life from getting boring. The only problem is, I can’t truly even relate to that person right now. This one is fun in theory, but should be done by someone else.

Irene the sweet southern grandma. This is my personal favorite. She has a long, drawn out voice with a hit of twang. She is VERY classy and poised. Not the jokey/fun grandma who is eccentric, but more reserved and elegant.

We will see. I am nervous as all get out! I do NOT want to be the sore spot on the skit. I have huge shoes to fill AND I have NOTHING to redeem me… No awesome voice or stellar moves. My contribution solely relies on fulfilling the Irene character to the fullest. Please put me down on your prayer request list, because I need all the help I can get. I have basically 24 hours or less to figure this out.

PS- I wore my orthopedic shoes to El Vaq today. They are white and velcro. Live it. Love it. They aren't coming off for the rest of the week.