Whipped into Shape

Prologue:

This whole debacle started when I needed to change my workout routine as well as please my nutritionist.

The nutritionist said I needed to do something different! Something outside the box like a kickboxing class or something that would allow me to interact with others like volunteering at the Humane Society. She wanted me to do an activity that I never would have done on my own...

I looked into a kickboxing class, but it was way too intense (The name of the place was Elite Combat... Hello, Goodbye. Not that brave.) Then I looked at joining the Colvin over the summer for FIT classes... But that would defeat the purpose of the new treadmill I insisted I get in order to avoid gym fees and wasting gas money. As for the Humane Society... I just feel like a loser going to pet animals by myself. In the sorority, we tended to go in groups to play with needy animals.. We didn't go alone.

Finally, I researched a little online via Netflix and found an interesting workout video. No, this doesn't really met the nutritionist requirements, but I needed a change in cardio and I would never have done this in public, so it is a "meet in the middle" compromise. Fingers crossed, I enjoy it and actually finish it...

Day 1

I just completed my very first workout video: Dance off the Inches: Fat Burn Jam with Michelle Dozios. One of the few workout videos that Netflix instant streams.

Guys..

That was embarrassing with a big helping of pathetic.

It wasn't that I couldn't keep up with the video because I was about to pass out from panting, but it was more that the "simple" dance moves seemed to be at the skill level of the dancing Asian boy on Glee.

We were salsa-ing, hip hopping, and jazzing our way to weight loss... Well, that was when I wasn't trying to fend off Malibu or learn what the heck a double hip touch was... It is very hard to follow someone who is facing you. It's like a mirror and you have to do the opposite... While keeping rhythm... To an obnoxiously peppy song... Difficultly Level 100.

Let's visit back to the days of childhood, I was an avid dancer. (Similar to Ashley on this season's Bachelorette minus the baggy cut off sweats and sports bra get up.) I have boo-coos of pictures of me at dance recitals including videos of me tapping, balleting, and jazzing all around the stage with sequin scrunchies to match my Toddlers and Tiaras-esque talent outfit.

I had rythem back then because I can clearly be seen in the footage on the front row! I wasn't shunned to the back like the kid with two left feet who barely made it alive through the dance routine...

Fast forward to sophomore and junior year of college... I was Tumbleweed's #1 fan. I could two-step, waltz, and line dance. Not to mention I could bust some moves out during the Midnight Remix. I wasn't bad! I spun around the dance floor and only fell 3 times total in the golden years! I was even rumored to have visited Tremors a time or two and hold my own in the booty shaking field of dancing...

All of this history should lend itself handy when trying to compete with Miss Dozios on workout dance floor! Her and her 4 fit friends who are in sports bras and shaking their non-existant booties should be no match for my varied experiences with dancing!! However, they were on fire. I was not. I couldn't keep up and I sure as heck didn't look sexy in my attempts.

Apparently there is a tutorial video that slowly shows you the dance moves and how to make them effective so you actually burn fat and tone up... Welp, Netflix thought that it was unnecessary and didn't care to stream it instantly. Although to be fair, I didn't take any time to research and see if I could locate a youtube video to bring me up to speed. Ultimately, both factors left me fending for myself and painfully thrashing my hips, arms and legs in an attempt to get fit while dancing.

And added bonus: About halfway through the video, Malibu came to investigate the train wreck happening in my room. She was so appalled with the tragic scene that she barked at me for 10 minutes until I sashayed on her paw. She didn't like that very much, but it shut her sassy pants up and she left me in peace to finish dancing strong.

At the end of 40 minutes I was sweaty and had an increased heart rate. I'd like to call that success. No, probably wasn't squeezing the abs or the glutes in the right way to tone up, but it was an effective cardio workout.

Hopefully this qualifies in the nutritionist's eyes as a worthy activity, or I might need someone to accompany me to the Humane Society for some volunteering... Or offer wisdom on a more achievable workout video...

Because I'll be screwed if I have to resort to the mortal combat kickboxing classes. =/